Monday, May 28, 2012


Kid: "Why do I have to make my bed?"
Me: "Because I told you to. Your sheets haven't been changed in recorded history."
Kid: "But it's MY bed. Why do I have to put on a top sheet?"
Me: "Because that's the way to make a bed."
Kid: "Why do I have to do it your way?"
Me: "Because parents are here to show you how it's supposed to be done. If it weren't for your parents, you'd be an illiterate, smelly boy with green teeth who ate ice cream with his hands."

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Perpetrating, and totally getting away with it!

Aeron lost another tooth this Thursday. It was a long, exciting day and we totally forgot to Tooth Fairy. She was pretty disappointed the next morning. I opined that perhaps the Tooth Fairy had had a very busy night. Put the tooth back under the pillow, I suggested, and she'll mostly likely get to it tonight. Problem solved, life went on.

We forgot again.

This morning when we realized we'd blown it again, Miles started stressing; we didn't have a gold coin (the usual gift), the girls were awake, maybe we should give up this nonsense, etc. 

"Just find me a piece of paper and a buck."

"Claire is sitting in the family room."

"A buck and a piece of paper and I'll take care of it."

He found me a folded up piece of copy paper and a crisp one dollar bill, then he went for coffee.

I wrote a quick note, with a pencil in my fist to disguise my handwriting. I folded the buck into the paper and tucked it into the waistband of my jammies. I found both girls in the family room, eyes glued to "Curious George". Scruffy was out there, too.

"Morning, girls"

"Good morning, Mama!" they chorused.

"Looks like Scruffy wants to play. Where is the ribbon he was playing with last night?"

Luckily, it's not on the floor of the family room.

"Did you take into your room?" I ask as I wandered that way, looking around.  In their room, I quickly made the switch, and wandered back out.

"Let's find something for him to play with", I said. A string was found, and they played with the cat while keeping one eye on the tube.

I went downstairs and then called up, "Are you girls hungry? Turn off the TV and come downstairs for breakfast."

They came down and asked for toast. "Toast?" I asked. "Are you sure? Neither one of you has much to bite with." Both girls grinned, showing missing teeth. "Teeth! What about your tooth, Boo?"

"Oh!" she exclaimed, then scrambled back upstairs.


"Mama! Mama!" She came running back downstairs. "The Tooth Fairy left me a DOLLAR and a NOTE!!!"

"Really? What does it say?"

Wide-eyed, she held up the paper and read:




Aeron looked at me, over her note, and said with a huge, gap-toothed grin, "Mama! The Tooth Fairy knows how to spell my name!"

UPDATE: We took the girls to the Dollar Tree to spend their loot. Cameron had informed Claire that those gold coins were worth a dollar, so they both had money to spend. They bought themselves sunglasses and Claire, with her second gold coin, got herself a water bottle. Everyone was happy.

When vanity poops out on you

Recently, I saw a current photo of folks I knew when we were all young and slim. Well, younger and slimmer than we all are now, anyway. Just like me, these people were (more) plump and grey. Which, of course, sent me down the rabbit hole of pondering the mysteries of getting older and appearance.

OK. So, I've packed on some pounds and my hair is getting silver and I can't see fer shit. Looking in the mirror is a bit of a shock, because how I think of myself, and how I actually look, are two waaaaaay different animals. So, now what do I do?

I color my hair. It's time consuming and messy if you color at home and it's really time consuming and expensive if you go to the salon. I'd love to give it up. But the percentage of grey needs to be higher before I go "au natural". It's at about 35-40% right now. I think. I'm holding out for at least 75% before I reveal the real me.

I've got the progressive lenses in my glasses. That helps, but I still have problems. Very, very frustrating. I was starting to think lasik was the way to go. The price is coming down, too. I saw an ad this week for $1500 an eye. Not covered by insurance, of course. Which limits my options. It's hard to justify that kind of expense when the kids need new shoes every three months and summer camps and activities need paying for. Then I found out that even should I get the lasik surgery, I'd still need reading glasses. So, never mind.

Which brings us to tonnage. Sigh.... There have been some legit reason why I've put on weight over the last few years. But those reason have been corrected (hallelujah!) and I am, slowly.... very, very slowly, losing weight.

So, why I quit my bitching and do something about it, I hear you ask? Well, I am, sorta. It's Spring gardening season and I have kicked my activity up a notch. I've cut way back on my wine consumption and eat more healthy foods in smaller portions. But do I get on the elliptical trainer that so festively decorates my family room? Not very often or for very long, anyway.

Here's my question. 20 years ago, or even 10, I would have never allowed myself to get this over-weight or to go out looking less than put together. Why am I not motivated to improve matters? Why does a well-groomed, attractive appearance not matter very much to me anymore? I clean up when I have to (don't want to embarrass the family) but for the most part, I'm in jeans and a tee shirt, no makeup, hair in a pony tail. Housewife frump. And I'm kinda alright with that. Mostly.

Am I simply more comfortable in my skin? Happily married, comfortable life and feeling no need to fight against the passing of time? OK with aging? Or, has vanity deserted me and I've "let myself go"?

My grandma used to say, "You get married, you get happy, you get fat." So, it's not just me. Some of my comrades from my mis-spent youth aren't married. But we all seem to be in comfortable places, life-wise.

I guess my question really is... is this a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not really sure. I struggle with this a lot.