Recently, I saw a current photo of folks I knew when we were all young and slim. Well, younger and slimmer than we all are now, anyway. Just like me, these people were (more) plump and grey. Which, of course, sent me down the rabbit hole of pondering the mysteries of getting older and appearance.
OK. So, I've packed on some pounds and my hair is getting silver and I can't see fer shit. Looking in the mirror is a bit of a shock, because how I think of myself, and how I actually look, are two waaaaaay different animals. So, now what do I do?
I color my hair. It's time consuming and messy if you color at home and it's really time consuming and expensive if you go to the salon. I'd love to give it up. But the percentage of grey needs to be higher before I go "au natural". It's at about 35-40% right now. I think. I'm holding out for at least 75% before I reveal the real me.
I've got the progressive lenses in my glasses. That helps, but I still have problems. Very, very frustrating. I was starting to think lasik was the way to go. The price is coming down, too. I saw an ad this week for $1500 an eye. Not covered by insurance, of course. Which limits my options. It's hard to justify that kind of expense when the kids need new shoes every three months and summer camps and activities need paying for. Then I found out that even should I get the lasik surgery, I'd still need reading glasses. So, never mind.
Which brings us to tonnage. Sigh.... There have been some legit reason why I've put on weight over the last few years. But those reason have been corrected (hallelujah!) and I am, slowly.... very, very slowly, losing weight.
So, why I quit my bitching and do something about it, I hear you ask? Well, I am, sorta. It's Spring gardening season and I have kicked my activity up a notch. I've cut way back on my wine consumption and eat more healthy foods in smaller portions. But do I get on the elliptical trainer that so festively decorates my family room? Not very often or for very long, anyway.
Here's my question. 20 years ago, or even 10, I would have never allowed myself to get this over-weight or to go out looking less than put together. Why am I not motivated to improve matters? Why does a well-groomed, attractive appearance not matter very much to me anymore? I clean up when I have to (don't want to embarrass the family) but for the most part, I'm in jeans and a tee shirt, no makeup, hair in a pony tail. Housewife frump. And I'm kinda alright with that. Mostly.
Am I simply more comfortable in my skin? Happily married, comfortable life and feeling no need to fight against the passing of time? OK with aging? Or, has vanity deserted me and I've "let myself go"?
My grandma used to say, "You get married, you get happy, you get fat." So, it's not just me. Some of my comrades from my mis-spent youth aren't married. But we all seem to be in comfortable places, life-wise.
I guess my question really is... is this a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not really sure. I struggle with this a lot.